Say CHEEZE!

I would like to preface this post by pointing out that I'm one of those lucky bitches who never really was obsessed with cheese.

That's right.

WHEN GOING VEGAN, I DID NOT MISS CHEESE.

SUCKAHS!

So when I decided to make a 'cheezey sauce' it wasn't because I miss cheese. No, it was actually because

THERE ARE SO DAMN MANY OF THEM IN MY COOKBOOKS THAT I FIGURED I SHOULD KNOW WHY THE FUCK PEOPLE LOVE THEM SO MUCH.

So I picked a random one out of Vegan A Go-Go!.

Wolffie's Nutritional-Yeast "Cheese" Sauce Pg 126

I don't know who the hell Wolffie is, but here we go.

This recipe seems to be going for a basic, queso-like sauce. There are no fancy herbs or chunks of anything in it, just flour, nutritional yeast, salt, oil, mustard, tamari, and water.

You whisk all these things together and put it in a small saucepan.

While it's heating up, you'll notice it get thicker.

When it's thickened to your liking, remove it from the heat and serve.

I always hear that people dip veggies in cheese sauces, so I decided to dip some celery in this sauce. I don't know if that's normal, but that's what I did. Hahahah. I'm used to eating my veggies on their lonesome.

RATINGS:

Ease of preparaton: 5/5 
You seriously whisk some crap together and heat it for about 5 minutes. Delightfully simple.

Deliciousness: 3/5 
Ok, so I struggled with this rating. On the one hand, I liked the stuff. It tastes like a decent dip, especially since I served it warm with some chilled celery. However, I don't know if I would describe it as 'cheesy'. It had that cheese-like quality...I don't know what you'd call it...that sort of musty quality? But it certainly didn't have the smoothness that cheese has. You know how cheese sauces are smooth and creamy? Well this stuff didn't taste milky or smooth, it tasted...nutty and cheese-like. So overall, it was delicious as a dip, but if I'm comparing it to cheese I would probably be left disappointed.

Prettiness: 2/5 
Kind of looks grainy and dull. But I would LOVE to spice this stuff up with some chives or chopped fresh oregano or dried chili peppers. Very basic, but easy to fancy up. :-]

One of Those WTF Recipes

I have a morbid curiousity when it comes to food.

If it sounds disgusting, I have to try it. (Hence my attempt at cinnamon spaghetti and the hajiki seaweed delightfulness).

So when I saw a recipe in Vegan A Go-Go! that looked like someone literally threw a bunch of leftover pantry items into a pan and made some weird crap, I had to try it.

Matthew's Spicy Tomato, Peanut, and Kale Pasta Pg 97

To make the pasta sauce, you will mix tomato juice, peanut butter, chopped kale, and an asian chili garlic sauce.

Disgusting, right?! Why would ANYONE mix these things together?

So here I freaking go.

Chop up your kale!

Also, if you're wondering what that white thing is on my hand, it's this really fuckin' cool ring I got from my friend Emily, who has a vegan ceramic jewelry shop at http://www.themorosebee.etsy.com. I feel like her personal advertiser, because I'm always telling people about her shop, but I DON'T FUCKING CARE BECAUSE IT'S AWESOME.

First you cook the tomato juice and kale in a large pan over medium-high heat. You want your kale to be nice and tender!

Then, you're gonna mix in the peanut butter...

And then the chili-garlic sauce!

So while all this is going on, you're also going to be cooking your choice of pasta. If you don't know how to cook pasta, I'm not telling you. Because you should know that. So if you don't know how, please slap yourself in the face and then go consult a basic cooking book.

When it's all done, slap your sauce over the noodles and prepare for a feast!

~*BRIGHT ORANGE SAUCE ALERT*~

The sauce will taste kind of like an Asian peanut sauce. But not. The tomato juice base really balances out the spiciness of the chili-garlic sauce and the sweetness of the peanut butter, creating a conglomeration of god-knows-what with bits of delicious, tender kale. It will inspire your taste palatte and fill your tummy.

RATINGS:

Ease of preparation: 5/5
Chop, cook, mix! That's all there is to it!

Deliciousness: 3/5
Tastes like a decent pasta dinner. It didn't knock my socks off, though. I guess the fact that the ingredients should create a vomit-tasting pile of slosh and then they don't should be super impressive (and it definitely is) but it doesn't make this dish AMAZING. Just kinda good. Anyways, it's super easy and it's really filling so it's a good recipe to have on file for a hectic night.

Prettiness: 2/5
I rarely find bright orange sauces to be appetizing, but that could just be my personal preference. Regardless, I'm writing this blog, so the ratings will be how I want them, bitches!

<3

Chicken Salad (Minus Breakfast Slurpees)

So one of my friends has a lot of stories about "Chicken Salad" - an old coworker who was nasty as HELL. She drank a huge slurpee thing before work every day, she ate food with her fingers...there are more stories about her nast-ness but that's beyond the point.

When I was flipping through Vegan A Go-Go! I came across a faux chicken salad recipe. I laughed my ass off when I remembered Chicken Salad and decided that I must try this recipe, if only because it reminds me of hilarious stories.

Faux Chicken Salad Pg 51

According to the book,this recipe is sure to impress. Therefore, I had high expectations.

First, you're gonna cube the loaf of tempeh, so it's reminiscent of cubes of chicken (gross?)

Then, you're going to steam up the little cubie-pies. I don't have a steamer, so I did this the crude way: put a little water in a shallow pan, let it start to boil, then throw the tempeh into the mix. The water will evaporate and steam up the tempeh.

 While you wait for your cubie-pies to cool, you're gonna make the sauce for the salad fiesta. Mix 1/2 cup of the vegan mayonnaise of your choice, 2 tsp of mustard, and 2 tsp of tamari.

BTdubs: I used dijon mustard because another recipe I want to try called for dijon. I would like to note that I think this MADE the recipe. I can't imagine it with yellow mustard....seems too bland in my imagination.

Then, once your sauce is made, you're gonna dice up a dill pickle, half an onion, some fresh parsley, a garlic clove, and a celery stalk.

 I think this could have done with more celery and less onion, but that's just me. I am also obsessed with celery, and since I used dijon mustard, the onion's bite wasn't as intense. I also didn't have parsley so I used fresh dill instead. Fate? I think so. It was fucking DELIGHTFUL.

So once you're done, you're gonna throw it all together.

AND SLAP IT ON SOME TOAST (WITH SOME ARUGALA MAYBE?!)

 AND THEN EAT IT.

This definitely DID impress. I'm bringing this gloriousness into work as a sandwich tomorrow! YUMTASTIC!

RATINGS:

Ease of preparation: 5/5 
Seriously could not have been easier. Unless I actually had a steamer. :-]

Deliciousness: 5/5  
AMAZING. Delightful! Absolutely scrumptious. I will probably use this as a staple lunch option from now on. :-]

Prettines: 3/5
With the toast and the arugala, it had a nice little contrast of colors, but other than that it's kind of boring. Chunky stuff in brownish sauce.