I Am SO Not Italian.

When it comes to food, my family was never very traditionally anything. My mom made a lot of prepared meals and my dad wasn’t really home often enough to make things. My sisters and I DREADED pizza – we ate so much frozen pizza as kids that we grew to hate the stuff.

I always wished I were Italian, or Mexican, or Filipino or something cool likethat. I had so many friends who had such strong connections to their cultural roots through food, and they always came to school with such cool things in their lunchboxes. I remember specifically wishing I were Italian.

I fantasized about going to Catholic mass (even though Catholic churches scared the shit out of me) with an enormous family, with parents who were boisterous and warm. I imagined a huge family gathering at the table for dinner or holiday celebrations, with foods covered in cheese and with fancy sounding names like "salciccia" or "pescatore." I imagined a billion kids running around acting crazy and a billion aunts and uncles laughing and talking about adult-y things inside while the kids played outside until the sun went down.

Keep in mind, I was also definitely a fat kid, so these fantasies were all like 'OH MY GOD CHEESE.'

But alas, since growing up, most of my culinary adventures have been within Asian cuisine, probably because I grew up in Japan and that's what I'm used to / what I like.

So when I eat Italian stuff, I usually have NO FUCKING CLUE what's going on.

I decided to try this recipe from Vegan Comfort Food (Pg 150).

Lemon and Caper Linguine

Now I have absolutely NO idea what capers are. I went to the store and found them by the olives. I'm sure everyone else knows what they are but I was like DUDE what the FUCK are these little briny green ball things?!

They made me imagine caviar, even though I've never had / seen caviar.

According to my phone / wikipedia, capers are little flower buds. Why the FUCK people decided to basically pickle flower buds is beyond me. But people do weird shit to food and it turns out well so hey, who am I to judge?

So first you cook your linguine. Yay!

I almost always make whole wheat pasta. Because I am constantly on a mission to lose a little weight (it's been working lately! yay!) and whole wheat stuff usually keeps me full a hell of a lot longer.


You then will chop up some garlic and throw it in a pan of olive oil (or walnut oil in my case) and sautee it; after it's sauteed for about 30 seconds, throw in some capers and sautee for a little longer. Then remove it from the heat, throw in some lemon juice, and steamed broccoli.

That's all there is to it.

When I was eating it, I swear I could feel the aura of a huge Italian family judging me for my tattoos and wishing I would go to mass and pissed that I used bottled lemon juice instead of fresh lemon juice.

But the linguine was good. :)

RATINGS:

Deliciousness: 3/5 
Nothing particularly special, but it was good. I liked that it was so light; there was no sauce except for the oil and lemon juice, so it didn't weigh me down that much. And I could go to the gym about 45 minutes later! If I want to make it a little more special next time, I think I'll roast some pine nuts and throw those in, too. And a little oregano. Just a sprinkling.

Ease of Preparation: 6/5 
This is literally the easiest meal I've EVER made. Freaking insanely easy. Like, INSANE.

Prettiness: 2/5 
Nothing special.