Fancy Vegan White Chocolate!

Last year for the holidays, I made tree ornaments for friends / family. It was fun, inexpensive, and personal. They were also small enough that they were easy to ship all over the place. :)

This year, I wanted to make something again! I decided to get crazy and make vegan white chocolate. I found a recipe online and decided to just go with it!

The main ingredient in white chocolate is cocoa butter. How on earth do you find that stuff? Well, you can find it at some health stores, but I ordered mine online. If you go to amazon and search for it, you can probably find a good pound of it for 10 - 12 bucks.

So you'll need these things:

2.1 ounces of cocoa butter
1 tsp soy milk powder
1/4 cup + 1 tbsp powdered sugar
Pinch of salt
1/2 tsp vanilla extract

I got really fancy and used vanilla bean instead of vanilla extract! ;)

So anyways, here are the instructions:

1. To ensure your chocolate is as smooth as possible, run the soy milk powder through a rotary coffee grinder. Sift the soy milk powder, powdered sugar and salt into a medium mixing bowl and set aside.

2. Add the cocoa butter to a small saucepan and melt over medium heat. Alternatively, the cocoa butter can be melted in the microwave. Transfer the mixture to a double boiler and whisk until smooth. Whisk in the soy milk powder, powdered sugar and salt mixture followed by the vanilla extract. Continue whisking until smooth.

3. Temper the chocolate. Bring the mixture up to 120F (49C) while whisking frequently. Remove the bowl containing the mixture from the double boiler. Place the mixture in the refrigerator periodically and whisk occasionally to allow the mixture to reduce to 79F (26C). Now place the mixture back on the double boiler and bring it up to 87F (31C). If you overshoot and the temperature goes past 89F (32C), start the tempering process over.

4. Pour the mixture into your preferred chocolate mold. You can order chocolate bar molds online or get creative pour the chocolate ½ inch high in paper cups. Lift your mold up about an inch or so and drop it onto the counter top a couple times to release excess air bubbles. Allow the chocolate to solidify at room temperature overnight if possible to allow it to crystallize properly. If your kitchen is too hot for the fat to solidify then place it in the refrigerator after about 30 minutes. Remove the white chocolate from the mold and store it in an air tight container for up to 6 months in a cool, dark place. Makes 3.5 ounces.

So I did it!

I also think the addition of the vanilla bean added a nice flair....

RATINGS:

Deliciousness: 4/5 
It's tasty, for sure! It's really sweet, of course, because it's sugar and cocoa butter. But it's yummy. :)
Ease of Preparation: 2/5
Easier than other candy projects I've tried. But you realllllllllllly need a digital thermometer, a lot of patience, and a good sense of humor for this project. You will make messes, you will probably burn things. It's all part of the fun.
Prettiness: 5/5
Little gems of vanilla bean white chocolate! Cute.

Even Better Than? The Best Pumpkin Muffins

I took this recipe from The PPK and adapted it.

It's certainly hard to top THE BEST pumpkin muffin, but I'm ready for the challenge...

I have been trying my hardest not to use white sugar lately. I have a legitimate problem with sugar, and I'm hoping making homemade treats with organic / all natural white sugar alternatives will help wean me off the seductive white powder. ;) So I mixed up some of the proportions / substituted agave and brown rice syrup for the original recipe's sugar.

I've also been trying to put different flours into my baked goods to get some whole grains in there, and to add diversity to my diet.

Here's my recipe! Mwahahaha!

1 cup all-purpose unbleached flour
3/4 cup spelt flour
1/4 tsp salt
1 tbsp baking powder
1/2 cup brown rice syrup
3/4 cup agave nectar 
1 1/2 tbsp Trader Joe's Pumpkin Spice (Best purchase I've made this holiday season...)
1 cup pureed pumpkin (My fresh pumpkin puree I made a few weeks ago! Yay!)
6 tbsp coconut milk (stuff from a can!)
2 tbsp Frangelico's hazelnut liqueur
2 tbsp molasses
1/2 cup unroasted / unsalted sunflower seeds

1. In a medium-sized bowl, mix the brown rice syrup and agave together. The brown rice syrup is VERY thick and pasty, so the agave mixed into it will liquefy it a bit.
2. Mix pumpkin, coconut milk, Frangelico's, and molasses into sweetener mixture. Set aside.
3. In a large bowl, mix flours, baking powder, salt, and spices. Pour pumpkin mixture into flour mixture. Mix well, then mix in the sunflower seeds.
4.Grease the insides of a muffin pan. This is very important! I wish I'd done these without the paper cups, because they stuck like a mofo to those things.

5. Bake in a 400 degree oven for 13-18 minutes.
6. Eat. Eat them all now.

RATINGS:

Deliciousness: 6/5 
I actually think I'm going to dare to say that these muffins are even better than the original recipe. They are more moist and spicy. I think the Trader Joe's spice is the BOMB, though, so that could be why. As for the moistness, I'm gonna bet that that sticky-sticky brown rice syrup is the reason for such delightfulness. Yum.

Ease of Preparation: 4/5
Easy baking recipe. :)

Prettiness: 4/5 
The sunflower seeds poking through the muffin tops add a nice touch, and the goldeny pumpkin color is always ever-so-festive. Fuck yeah.

Frangelicos Lollipops (Merry Holidays!)

I wanted to make some stuff that was vegan friendly and easy / relatively cheap to send out to friends for the holidays.

I found this amazing recipe from Leite's Culinaria for liquor lollipops.

I decided that if the sugar I use is vegan-friendly, and the liquor I use is as well, then my vegan buddies will be thoroughly gifted for the holidays.

Recipe!

Ingredients:

• 1/4 cup plus 1 teaspoon hard liquor, such as bourbon, tequila, or rum
• 2 tablespoons cold water
• 3/4 cup sugar
• 3 tablespoons corn syrup
• 1/8 teaspoon kosher salt
• 1/4 teaspoon food coloring of your choice (optional)

When deciding on what liquor to use, I wanted to choose something holiday-y, but vegan friendly. So bailey's was out of the question. As was pumpkin creme liqueur.

But...according to barnivore.com, Frangelico's is definitely vegan friendly! Hooray! 

And hazelnut liqueur is kinda holiday-y, right? I hope so.

So now, you got your instructions:

1. Mix together 1/4 cup of the liquor, and the water, sugar, corn syrup, and salt in a 1- or 2-quart saucepan until all of the sugar is wet. If sugar crystals cling to the sides of the pan, dissolve them away with a wet pastry brush.

2. Bring the mixture to a boil over medium heat, stirring occasionally and gently with a heatproof spatula until all of the sugar is dissolved. Then boil to 300°F (149°C) without stirring.

I'd like to take a moment to interject and tell ya'll just how fucked up my lollipop making experience was.

A) My candy thermometer wouldn't go past 240. I got confused. Suddenly the syrup was BURNING. I threw that batch away.

B) Second round, I just fucking ignored my thermometer because that bitch is a liar. I did everything totally fine and stuff, but the lollipops weren't quite hard enough. I was so scared of burning them that they were just a litttttttttttle too soft.

C) I poured the remaining syrup I didn't use out into the sink. I tripped on myself (like the dumbass I am) and got it all over my hand. Much screaming, crying, and burning ensued. 

FUCK THIS LOLLIPOP-CREATING NONSENSE, IT IS EVIL AND DESTRUCTIVE.

And we continue....

3. Remove from the heat, and, working quickly, mix in the remaining 1 teaspoon liquor and food coloring, if using. Still working with haste, drop the syrup into either lollipop molds or onto a silicone mat.

Since I was using a silicone mat....

4. Quickly drop the syrup onto the silicone mat so that it forms 2-inch disks and immediately after plopping the syrup on the sheets place a lollipop stick in the center of each disk and twist it 180 degrees so that it’s fully covered in syrup. Let cool completely.

RATINGS:

Deliciousness: 4/5

Only 4 points because I didn't get them hard enough! Still lollipops, but they stick to your teeth if you suck on them for too long. Other than that, the Frangelico's gives it a lovely taste. :D

Ease of Preparation: 1/5

A nightmare from hell. Fuck this lollipop shit.

Prettiness: 4/5

They're little lollipops! 

Hipster Beer Bread

It's been awhile.

But the good news is that I keep cooking and baking stuff lately. And it keeps being fun.

So I'm gonna start blogging about it, since I can! :)

I have a recipe for beer bread that is adapted from a variety of other beer bread recipes. First of all, since not all beer is vegan, it's important to check barnivore.com to see if your bottle is animal-safe.

I had a ton of leftover PBR (which is fortunately vegan-friendly) so that's what I stuck with.

Plus, who doesn't want a slice of PBR hipster bread?!

Ingredients:

2 2/3 cup flour (white flour is my personal choice for a good soft beer bread flavor, but I've also had success with spelt and whole wheat)
2 tbsp baking powder
1 tsp salt
12 fl oz of beer
3 tbsp brown rice syrup

1. Mix all dry ingredients together.
2. Pour bottle of beer into dry ingredients. Mix until just combined.
3. Mix in brown rice syrup. This is a thick sweetener, so mix well! You don't want a clump of sweetness in your otherwise unsweet bread.
4. Bake in a 375 degree oven for 45 minutes, until golden brown and cracked on top.

FUCK YEAH, HIPSTER BEER BREAD

RATINGS:

Deliciousness: 4/5
Tastes like good ol' beer bread! Always improved with a slab of vegan butter. It would probably be fun to experiment with different beers, too....lighter beers have always worked well for me with beer bread so I bet a kolsch would be nice.
Ease of Preparation: 5/5
Few ingredients, mix it all together. Bake it. Like an easy-bake-oven, man.
Prettiness: 4/5
Looks all rustic and lovely with the cracked golden top!

Fuck it, you should just eat MY food.

A'ight.

I'm done posting recipes other people made, now ya'll are gonna eat MY shit.

I make lots of random recipes throughout the week to take advantage of the hoards of dry food / frozen food I have.

Why do I buy so much of that dry and frozen shit?

Because it's CHEAP.

Can of beans + seeds + frozen corn + tomato sauce + spices + rice = cheap and delightful dinner.

Anyways, I'll start intermittently posting recipes I've made over the years.

EAT IT

First Abbie-themed recipe is.....

COCONUT CURRY QUINOA SALAD FILLED WITH GREAT SHIT

1 cup dry quinoa
2 cups water
1/2 tbsp olive oil
3 tbsp coconut milk (the thick stuff from a can, not the so delicious stuff)
1 tsp curry powder
1 tsp agave nectar
1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp chopped garlic
1/3 cup raw walnuts
1/3 cup raw pumpkin seeds
1/4 cup raisins

1. Rinse quinoa. Put olive oil into a deep-ish pan and place over medium heat. Toast the soaked quinoa in the oil for about a minute. Throw in 2 cups of water and let that shit simmer. When it comes to a boil, turn the heat on low and put the lid on it. Let it simmer for about 15 - 20 minutes.

2. Mix the agave, curry powder, salt, and garlic. Stir in the coconut milk. Set aside and let it sit in the fridge so all the flavors soak into each other and create magic.

3. When the quinoa's done, let it cool. When it's cool, mix everything together. Pour your sauce on it and mix well.

EAT IT

BITCH

RATINGS

Deliciousness: 5/5
I made it. It's great.

Ease of Preparation: 4/5
Cook it, mix it, eat it.

Prettiness: 5/5
It's infused with my gorgeous qualities.

Kombucha-cha-cha

Kombucha - it's trendy, it's full of probiotics, it's kind of stinky. What's all the fuss about?

Well supposedly the recipe is 2000 years old and comes from China. And it's supposed to be considered a drink that makes you immortal. It's also raw, which is great, and full of probiotics that supposedly help your body maintain its natural good bacteria / bad bacteria balance.

Some people also think it tastes fucking awesome (including me!) Some people also hate it. It's kinda like stinky cheese, I think - some people love it and some people hate it for its pungency. 

Basically what you need to make this stuff is:

1. Brewed tea.
2. Sugar or sweetener of some kind.
3. SCOBY

A SCOBY is a symbiotic culture of bacteria and yeast. This mushroom-looking thing is pretty gross to look at and kind of slimy, but it's what makes kombucha so magical! You can order a SCOBY online or get one from a friend or random other person.

I decided to try craigslist. I got mine from a girl selling hers for 10 bucks, and it was totally worth it. Not only did I get someone's own extra SCOBY and prevent having to buy one from some mass-producer, she also showed me her own home-brewing system and gave me a few tips.

My SCOBY! Floating around in a plastic bag!! :)

The reason why the SCOBY is circular is because it takes whatever shape it grows in. Therefore, since most beverage containers are circular, most SCOBYs will be circular. But hey, if you happen to find a beverage container that's heart shaped, I bet you would be the coolest kid on the block with heart-shaped SCOBYs.

So here's whatcha do:

1. Brew your tea.
2. Let your tea get to room temperature.
3. Put some sugar in your tea (1 cup of sugar per every 12 cups of tea).
4. Put your tea in a kombucha container of your choice.
5. Put your SCOBY in your tea.
6. Cover with a washcloth or cheesecloth or what-have-you, and let sit for days.

Mine fermented quite nicely after about 7 days of brewing. Yum!

Tips from my kombucha-lady:

1. Bottle your tea rightttt before it hits its sweet spot. If it tastes almost perfect, bottle it and store it at room temperature in a cabinet for a couple of days. This will give it just a little more time to ferment.
2. "Burp" your bottles occasionally, to prevent the carbonation from building up and your tea from exploding.
3. If you're going to be out of the house for a few days, have someone stop by to burp your bottles to prevent explosions, or just put your bottles in the fridge (cold prevents further fermentation).
4. If you'd like to put fruit juice in to enhance the flavor, mix it in when you bottle it. The fruit juice's sugar will create even more fermentation, so this will help your tea ferment even more.
5. Use filtered water, because chemicals in unfiltered water could mess up your SCOBY's delicate balance of goodness!

Black tea is best for brewing, but others can be used as well. I think my next batch will be green tea with a splash of pear juice.

FUCK YEAH KOMBUCHA

(I use old kombucha bottles because they work the best since they're glass and have plastic lids :D)

Cupcake Pies - Best of Both Pastry Worlds

Good morning!

Yes, it's 9am and I'm baking cupcake pies. Don't judge me.

I am in love with that adorable Vegan Yum Yum blog, so I decided to make one of her sweet treats on my day off.

Delicious and tasty cupcake pies!!!

Those tiny pies are insanely yummy-looking. I don't like the idea of ground cherries (simply because they remind me of gooseberries which I don't like at all) so I decided to make black and blue cupcake pies!

Blackberries and blueberries were on sale this week! YEAH!

Dough Ingredients:

1 1/4 Cup All Purpose Flour
1/2 tsp Salt
1 1/2 tsp Sugar
1/2 Cup Cubed, Chilled Earth Balance Margarine
2 Tbs – 1/4 Cup Ice Water

Berry Ingredients:

A bunch of your favorite berries (about 3/4 cup)

To make the dough, according to Lauren, follow this recipe:

1. Add flour, salt, sugar, and butter into a food processor.
2. Pulse until the mixture looks like wet sand, with pea-sized lumps here and there.
3. Slowly drizzle in water while running the machine until the dough forms a ball. If in doubt, add less water as opposed to more.
4. Turn out the dough onto the counter and press to form a disc. Cover in plastic wrap and refrigerate for at least 1/2 hour.

I didn't have a food processor, or a pastry blender - I did things the 'rustic' (read: cheap bitch) way: two knives and a lot of slicing and turning the bowl around. Works just as well, but it takes a lot longer.

Now to the fun part!

1. Line a cupcake tin with cupcake papers. Spray lightly with oil. Place a scant tablespoon of dough into the bottom of each cup. Using a small glass dipped in water (one that has the same diameter of the bottom of the cupcake cup), press the dough to form a bottom crust.

2. Take small pieces of dough and build up the sides of the cup with dough, making sure the walls aren’t too thick.

3. Place the shells in the refrigerator for a few minutes to firm up.

4. Preheat the oven to 400º F. Remove the shells from the fridge and fill to the top, slightly overflowing, with ground cherries (or whatever fruit you’re using).
(Since I used blackberries and blueberries, I chopped my giant blackberries in half so they would be the same size as the blueberries!)

After this, you'll want to mix 1/4 cup of sugar with 1/2 tsp of flour. 

5. Add 1/2 to 1 tsp of the sugar/flour mixture to each cup, depending on how sweet you want your pies.

6. Cover the back of a cookie sheet with a sheet of plastic wrap. Add the rest of the pie dough, and cover with a second sheet. Using a rolling pin, roll out the dough to 1/4-1/8″ thick. Using a glass that has a slightly larger diameter than the openings of the cupcake cups, stamp out six pie crust tops. Place this in the freezer for a few minutes, or into the refrigerator for 10-15 minutes.

*Note: I did not do this. I definitely just hand-flattened some piles of dough and just slapped them on top of the berries to form the top crust. I'm going to call all my lazy / cheap moves 'rustic' from now on. So this was the 'rustic' way of doing the top crust. ;)

7. Once chilled, you should be able to easily peel out the tops and place them over your pies. Pinch the edges down, slash a X in the top with a sharp knife, and sprinkle with sugar. You can do other types of tops, such as lattice work, if desired.

8. Bake for 30 – 35 minutes, until golden brown. Let cool for several minutes before gently removing them from the cupcake tin to cook completely.

RATINGS:

Deliciousness: 4/5
Perfect, buttery crust! The berries were bursting with juice and the pies were just sweet enough but not too sweet. I just kind of wish I had added some spice, like ginger or lemon zest or something. Other than that, delightful!

Prettiness: 5/5
Little baby pies!!!! SO CUTE!

Ease of Preparation: 3/5
Lots of chopping, refrigerating, waiting for things to settle down, etc. Not too difficult to get right if you just put a little work into it, though. :)

Bagels.

I have a confession.

I am a bagel ADDICT.

I've been visiting my friend Emily (this is her nifty little shop) and Boston is very Jewish and very bagel-y. I am in love.

I ate four bagels one morning while visiting my friend Emily here in Boston. FOUR IN ONE DAY. What's wrong with me?!

I just freaking love that almost crispy outside with the gooey inside. Smothered in hummus and arugula, bagels create the perfect meal for me. I fucking love the shit out of them.

And there's this place in Seattle called Eltana - omfg they have the best bagels. They're WOODFIRED. What?!

They're not vegan because they're all made with honey, though.

So my goal: make a delicious, vegan-friendly bagel.

Leite's Culinaria always has the best recipes.

And I want to copy the recipe she has for these bagels.

But instead of barley malt syrup or rice syrup, I want to try one batch with maple syrup and one with molasses.

Why?

Both of these sweeteners are thick, vegan-friendly sweeteners that are all natural.

Plus, who the hell says no to a molasses bagel or a maple bagel? Certainly not me.

I want pretty little bagels that look like this:

And I want them to have sesame seeds on them and hummus and arugula and joy.

I will sprinkle these assholes in joy.

It's happening.

Sometime next week.

GET READY.

Ok now I'm off to go do cool things in Boston KTHXBAI

VEGAN SHARK COOKIES AWWW SHEWT.

So, A) I bought these shark cookie cutters.

Because I have a mild obsession with sharks and have for the past like, five years. I have a shark shower curtain, a shark soap dispenser, a shark poster on my door, a shark bottle opener, a shark screensaver...the list goes on. I like sharks.

and B) I found this absurd video on youtube:

And here we have some shark cookies.

Ingredients:

2 cups flour
1 cup sugar
1/2 cup Earth Balance
1 1/2 tsp Ener-G + 2 tbsp warm water
2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp vanilla

1. Mix Earth Balance and sugar.

2. Add in egg replacer.

3. Add in flour.

4. Look at your dog eat a football. Like, legitimately eat one side of it.

5. Add in baking powder and salt.

6. Add in vanilla (while looking at your ridiculous dog hiding under the table).

7. Lightly flour your rolling surface.

8. Roll out your dough. And simultaneously, don't judge me for using a wine bottle. I am cheap and these came free with my wine.

9. Yes, this just happened:

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW YEAH BITCHES WE'RE GONNA HAVE SHARK COOKIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHATTTTTTTTTTTTTT.

And if you want to make vegan icing btw, you can mix coconut milk and powdered sugar and maybe some food coloring until you get the desired consistency.

Also, use sprinkles. Because obviously you need to.

Disclaimer: I DO know that not all sugar is vegan but I don't give a shit because I think that's kind of crossing the line of vegan insanity.

SO HERE WE HAVE THE MASTERPIECES

(Oh and also I wanted to make rainbow shooting stars FUCK YEAH)

*Sigh.* This is my life. I don't know whether to be extremely proud of it or embarrassed, so the only logical thing I can think to do is post it all over the internet so everyone gets fucking

JEALOUS.

This is Sheldon the Shark. Look at him! HE'S GREAT

RATINGS:

Deliciousness: 2.5/5

Not insanely tasty, not bad. Tastes like a hard sugar cookie with frosting on it. It's edible and mildly tasty.

Prettiness: 28thousand//5

LOOK AT THAT SHIT IT'S A SHARK COOKIE WHATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT.

Ease of Preparation: 3/5

Kind of a mess. Hey, it's sugar cookies! You roll those things OUT ON A FLOURED SURFACE. Shit's gonna get messaaayyyy.

Having A Dog In Seattle

So, having a dog is changing the way I view a lot of things. I have to be responsible for another living thing, which is terrifying but also exciting. Is this how new parents feel??!

Fist of all, I now have a list of things I need to set Jackson up for:
1. Get him neutered.
2. Get him registered with the city of Seattle.
3. Update his microchip.
4. Get him a vet.

I also have to figure out what kinds of cool things I can do with him! I have been spending the last five years of adult living with just little ol' me, so it's going to be weird to adjust some of the things I do to include a dog. For instance, I take a lot of fucking walks. Like, a LOT. Seattle's a very walkable city, and I like to play outside in pretty parks and whatnot. So it works that I have him because he'll be a well-walked dog! And black labs need lots of walking, for sure.

But I now have to figure out where all the off-leash dog parks are around here! That way Jackson can play freely. I found this list online:

Off Leash Dog Parks! Woo!

And now I have to go exploring....I have been to the I-5 colonnade park, so I know where that one is (and it's kind of close!), but I want to explore the others!

Plus, once I get him to be better on a leash, I can potentially take him on jogs with me.

JOGGING JACKSON WILL BE THE CUTEST.

I will also now be one of those people who sits outside of coffeeshops so Jackson can hang out with me while I study. :-]

This is weird. But cool.

Responsibilities, man! It's the BEST!

Vegan Doggies?

So, I'm adopting a dog.

His name is Jackson and he's a black lab. He's about a year and a half old and I've known him since he was a teensy puppy. I'm adopting him from a friend.

My question to all my readers is this:

Can a dog be vegan? 

FURTHER.

Should a dog be vegan?

I have done a little research on this subject. It looks like cats are definitely omnivorous, but for dogs...it's not so certain.

Yes, based on articles like this: http://thebark.com/content/vegan-dogs , it looks like dogs can survive as vegans. And this dog-owner says her puppy is in tip-top health.

I'm not going to feed Jackson a vegan diet because this diet works for him and he's totally healthy from what I can see.

But I'm curious to see what ya'll bitches have to say about this.

Comments?

GO.


<3

Tomato Sauce + Jalapeno Pasta

So here I am. After MONTHS of absence.

Excited?

Good. Because it's about to be fucking summer. And I will have a lot of free time to cook shit, take pictures of it, and talk about it online.

Also: I went to Pike Place Market the other day. And even though it's famous for all it's fish-throwing...

 it's actually chock-full of vegan treats. Including this delicious cinnamon bun from a place called "Cinnamon Works."

And there are vegan-friendly lattes and mighty oh donuts at a cute coffee shop.

There are also a plethora of specialty / gourmet shops where you can buy oils and stuff. Which as a vegan, you know how important good-quality oils are in cooking.

And of course, FUCKING DELIGHTFUL PRODUCE AND FLOWERS!!!

But the best place to go as a vegan is this pasta stall in middle of the market with a variety of different vegan pastas for your enjoyment. All vegan ones (and even gluten-free ones!) are labeled!

So I bought some pasta on a whim the other day. It was green jalapeno fettuccine!! FUCKING DELICIOUS-SOUNDING.

So of course I needed a sauce to go over it. I ended up googling "vegan tomato sauce" just to see what came up. Up popped a blog called Vegan Vermonter. He has an 'epic tomato sauce' I simply had to try.

Historical Question: Was the most epic vegan tomato sauce born in Vermont?

Answer, based on current reseach: Perhaps.

Vegan Vermonter's Epic Tomato Sauce

-2.5 lbs. canned tomatoes (I used a 28oz can of crushed tomatoes, and a 14-oz can of fire roasted diced tomatoes this time, but the prep and texture are completely flexible)
-1 medium yellow onion, diced
-1 red bell pepper, diced
-4-5 cloves garlic, minced
-2 tbsp chopped fresh oregano (I really like thyme here actually, but the oregano was fresher)
-2 tsp brown sugar
-3/4 tsp salt (maybe a little more? only a taste will tell)
-black pepper to taste
-half decent olive oil (don’t break the bank, but remember that it is a key flavor component to the sauce)

Now what I did was basically replace green pepper for the red pepper (I thought a pop of green would look good in the sauce, plus I like the flavor better).

I also used only thyme instead of oregano since the dude said he liked that better.

Here's how Mr. Vermont-Man says you do it:

1. First, get a nice big saucepan going on medium-low heat. You want a temperature that gets your onions entirely transparent before they begin to color.

2. Add enough olive oil to generously coat the bottom of the pan (like 3 or 4 tablespoons?), followed by the onion and bell pepper. Give everyone a good stir and let them slowly begin to sweat. You won’t need to pay much attention to this process, just a little stir now and then to prevent whatever surface is touching the pan from cooking faster than the rest of it.

 3. Once your onion and pepper are all the way see through and a little bit golden, you can add the garlic. Give it a nice stir and resume the slow golden-ing process.  : )

4. When all the aromatics have a nice gentle golden color (not browned), you can add the tomatoes. Stir them for a while at first to ensure they combine well with the ingredients in the pan, and then turn the heat down to low so that they can simmer.

 
5. Stir the sauce around only as often as is necessary to prevent the bottom from burning, and when the temperature in the pan has caught up to your adjustment of the burner, add the sugar and salt.

6. Continue to slowly allow moisture to escape, stirring when needed. Eventually the sauce will reduce to a point that the water/oil balance changes where the sauce contacts the pan. The bubbling that occurs for most of the cooking process will slow considerably, and hissing will also be audible. When you’ve reached this point, taste test and adjust the salt and pepper. If you feel you can continue to drive water out without changing the color of the tomatoes, then you should probably try and do that, you don’t want the tomatoes to actually brown though. If you’re going to push, taste often to make sure things aren’t getting out of hand. If it does go a little funky you can usually rescue it with a bit more sugar as long as you catch it soon enough. Don’t feel obligated to take a risk though with your 3 hours of work, if most of the excess liquid is gone, then you’re good to go as is, anything more is a bonus. Stir in the fresh oregano, give it a few seconds to come to temperature, and then remove the pan from the heat.

7. Meanwhile (this is my addition), cook your pashta. :D

So the issue is....I didn't have forever and a half to make this bullshit. I only read the

THREE FUCKING HOURS

part after I had already started making it.

Anyways. My point is, I did it all. But I certainly got hungry before the three hour mark. So it's not as well marinated / cooked as it should be.

I liked it though!

RATINGS:

Deliciousness: 4/5
If it had more time to simmer / cook, I bet the sauce would be less chunky and salsa-like. It was a fantastic blend of flavors, though.

Prettiness: 4/5
Red and green sauce with green noodles! Cute! :D


Ease of Preparation: 2/5
Three hours of cooking is not something I like to do when I'm hungry. But maybe it's worth it. I don't know.