Friday, June 22, 2012


I have a confession.

I am a bagel ADDICT.

I've been visiting my friend Emily (this is her nifty little shop) and Boston is very Jewish and very bagel-y. I am in love.

I ate four bagels one morning while visiting my friend Emily here in Boston. FOUR IN ONE DAY. What's wrong with me?!

I just freaking love that almost crispy outside with the gooey inside. Smothered in hummus and arugula, bagels create the perfect meal for me. I fucking love the shit out of them.

And there's this place in Seattle called Eltana - omfg they have the best bagels. They're WOODFIRED. What?!

They're not vegan because they're all made with honey, though.

So my goal: make a delicious, vegan-friendly bagel.

Leite's Culinaria always has the best recipes.

And I want to copy the recipe she has for these bagels.

But instead of barley malt syrup or rice syrup, I want to try one batch with maple syrup and one with molasses.


Both of these sweeteners are thick, vegan-friendly sweeteners that are all natural.

Plus, who the hell says no to a molasses bagel or a maple bagel? Certainly not me.

I want pretty little bagels that look like this:

And I want them to have sesame seeds on them and hummus and arugula and joy.

I will sprinkle these assholes in joy.

It's happening.

Sometime next week.


Ok now I'm off to go do cool things in Boston KTHXBAI

Tuesday, June 12, 2012


So, A) I bought these shark cookie cutters.

Because I have a mild obsession with sharks and have for the past like, five years. I have a shark shower curtain, a shark soap dispenser, a shark poster on my door, a shark bottle opener, a shark screensaver...the list goes on. I like sharks.

and B) I found this absurd video on youtube:

And here we have some shark cookies.


2 cups flour
1 cup sugar
1/2 cup Earth Balance
1 1/2 tsp Ener-G + 2 tbsp warm water
2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp vanilla

1. Mix Earth Balance and sugar.

2. Add in egg replacer.

3. Add in flour.

4. Look at your dog eat a football. Like, legitimately eat one side of it.

5. Add in baking powder and salt.

6. Add in vanilla (while looking at your ridiculous dog hiding under the table).

7. Lightly flour your rolling surface.

8. Roll out your dough. And simultaneously, don't judge me for using a wine bottle. I am cheap and these came free with my wine.

9. Yes, this just happened:


And if you want to make vegan icing btw, you can mix coconut milk and powdered sugar and maybe some food coloring until you get the desired consistency.

Also, use sprinkles. Because obviously you need to.

Disclaimer: I DO know that not all sugar is vegan but I don't give a shit because I think that's kind of crossing the line of vegan insanity.


(Oh and also I wanted to make rainbow shooting stars FUCK YEAH)

*Sigh.* This is my life. I don't know whether to be extremely proud of it or embarrassed, so the only logical thing I can think to do is post it all over the internet so everyone gets fucking


This is Sheldon the Shark. Look at him! HE'S GREAT


Deliciousness: 2.5/5
Not insanely tasty, not bad. Tastes like a hard sugar cookie with frosting on it. It's edible and mildly tasty.

Prettiness: 28thousand//5

Ease of Preparation: 3/5
Kind of a mess. Hey, it's sugar cookies! You roll those things OUT ON A FLOURED SURFACE. Shit's gonna get messaaayyyy.

Having A Dog In Seattle

So, having a dog is changing the way I view a lot of things. I have to be responsible for another living thing, which is terrifying but also exciting. Is this how new parents feel??!

Fist of all, I now have a list of things I need to set Jackson up for:
1. Get him neutered.
2. Get him registered with the city of Seattle.
3. Update his microchip.
4. Get him a vet.

I also have to figure out what kinds of cool things I can do with him! I have been spending the last five years of adult living with just little ol' me, so it's going to be weird to adjust some of the things I do to include a dog. For instance, I take a lot of fucking walks. Like, a LOT. Seattle's a very walkable city, and I like to play outside in pretty parks and whatnot. So it works that I have him because he'll be a well-walked dog! And black labs need lots of walking, for sure.

But I now have to figure out where all the off-leash dog parks are around here! That way Jackson can play freely. I found this list online:

Off Leash Dog Parks! Woo!

And now I have to go exploring....I have been to the I-5 colonnade park, so I know where that one is (and it's kind of close!), but I want to explore the others!

Plus, once I get him to be better on a leash, I can potentially take him on jogs with me.


I will also now be one of those people who sits outside of coffeeshops so Jackson can hang out with me while I study. :-]

This is weird. But cool.

Responsibilities, man! It's the BEST!

Friday, June 8, 2012

Vegan Doggies?

So, I'm adopting a dog.

His name is Jackson and he's a black lab. He's about a year and a half old and I've known him since he was a teensy puppy. I'm adopting him from a friend.

My question to all my readers is this:

Can a dog be vegan? 


Should a dog be vegan?

I have done a little research on this subject. It looks like cats are definitely omnivorous, but for's not so certain.

Yes, based on articles like this: , it looks like dogs can survive as vegans. And this dog-owner says her puppy is in tip-top health.

I'm not going to feed Jackson a vegan diet because this diet works for him and he's totally healthy from what I can see.

But I'm curious to see what ya'll bitches have to say about this.




Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Tomato Sauce + Jalapeno Pasta

So here I am. After MONTHS of absence.


Good. Because it's about to be fucking summer. And I will have a lot of free time to cook shit, take pictures of it, and talk about it online.

Also: I went to Pike Place Market the other day. And even though it's famous for all it's fish-throwing...

 it's actually chock-full of vegan treats. Including this delicious cinnamon bun from a place called "Cinnamon Works."

And there are vegan-friendly lattes and mighty oh donuts at a cute coffee shop.

There are also a plethora of specialty / gourmet shops where you can buy oils and stuff. Which as a vegan, you know how important good-quality oils are in cooking.


But the best place to go as a vegan is this pasta stall in middle of the market with a variety of different vegan pastas for your enjoyment. All vegan ones (and even gluten-free ones!) are labeled!

So I bought some pasta on a whim the other day. It was green jalapeno fettuccine!! FUCKING DELICIOUS-SOUNDING.

So of course I needed a sauce to go over it. I ended up googling "vegan tomato sauce" just to see what came up. Up popped a blog called Vegan Vermonter. He has an 'epic tomato sauce' I simply had to try.

Historical Question: Was the most epic vegan tomato sauce born in Vermont?

Answer, based on current reseach: Perhaps.

Vegan Vermonter's Epic Tomato Sauce

-2.5 lbs. canned tomatoes (I used a 28oz can of crushed tomatoes, and a 14-oz can of fire roasted diced tomatoes this time, but the prep and texture are completely flexible)
-1 medium yellow onion, diced
-1 red bell pepper, diced
-4-5 cloves garlic, minced
-2 tbsp chopped fresh oregano (I really like thyme here actually, but the oregano was fresher)
-2 tsp brown sugar
-3/4 tsp salt (maybe a little more? only a taste will tell)
-black pepper to taste
-half decent olive oil (don’t break the bank, but remember that it is a key flavor component to the sauce)

Now what I did was basically replace green pepper for the red pepper (I thought a pop of green would look good in the sauce, plus I like the flavor better).

I also used only thyme instead of oregano since the dude said he liked that better.

Here's how Mr. Vermont-Man says you do it:

1. First, get a nice big saucepan going on medium-low heat. You want a temperature that gets your onions entirely transparent before they begin to color.

2. Add enough olive oil to generously coat the bottom of the pan (like 3 or 4 tablespoons?), followed by the onion and bell pepper. Give everyone a good stir and let them slowly begin to sweat. You won’t need to pay much attention to this process, just a little stir now and then to prevent whatever surface is touching the pan from cooking faster than the rest of it.

 3. Once your onion and pepper are all the way see through and a little bit golden, you can add the garlic. Give it a nice stir and resume the slow golden-ing process.  : )

4. When all the aromatics have a nice gentle golden color (not browned), you can add the tomatoes. Stir them for a while at first to ensure they combine well with the ingredients in the pan, and then turn the heat down to low so that they can simmer.

5. Stir the sauce around only as often as is necessary to prevent the bottom from burning, and when the temperature in the pan has caught up to your adjustment of the burner, add the sugar and salt.

6. Continue to slowly allow moisture to escape, stirring when needed. Eventually the sauce will reduce to a point that the water/oil balance changes where the sauce contacts the pan. The bubbling that occurs for most of the cooking process will slow considerably, and hissing will also be audible. When you’ve reached this point, taste test and adjust the salt and pepper. If you feel you can continue to drive water out without changing the color of the tomatoes, then you should probably try and do that, you don’t want the tomatoes to actually brown though. If you’re going to push, taste often to make sure things aren’t getting out of hand. If it does go a little funky you can usually rescue it with a bit more sugar as long as you catch it soon enough. Don’t feel obligated to take a risk though with your 3 hours of work, if most of the excess liquid is gone, then you’re good to go as is, anything more is a bonus. Stir in the fresh oregano, give it a few seconds to come to temperature, and then remove the pan from the heat.

7. Meanwhile (this is my addition), cook your pashta. :D

So the issue is....I didn't have forever and a half to make this bullshit. I only read the


part after I had already started making it.

Anyways. My point is, I did it all. But I certainly got hungry before the three hour mark. So it's not as well marinated / cooked as it should be.

I liked it though!


Deliciousness: 4/5
If it had more time to simmer / cook, I bet the sauce would be less chunky and salsa-like. It was a fantastic blend of flavors, though.

Prettiness: 4/5
Red and green sauce with green noodles! Cute! :D

Ease of Preparation: 2/5
Three hours of cooking is not something I like to do when I'm hungry. But maybe it's worth it. I don't know.